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How I Recorded the Audiobook (part 2)

So here I am feeling extra American these days, and here’s this note on my door telling me people are entering my home whenever they want and I’ll just have to deal with it and they might be friendly but I better keep any pets away from them

(I really wish I still had my giant pitbull Louie with me, to guard my pad, then I wouldn’t have to worry about anything, I wouldn’t even have to keep the door locked, but he’s living the good retired life with my buddy back in Southern California on a large property with a lot of other animals, loving life, so I’m happy for him, I wouldn’t ruin his last days by bringing him here to the freezing icy snow)…

  This shockingly bold internet company had me thinking about: “WE THE PEOPLE, US AMERICANS and OUR RIGHTS”, so I decided I would defend my home by any means necessary and there was absolutely no way ANYONE was coming into my home uninvited. 

So for 3 days I paced the floor of my pad, watching through the blinds, waiting for someone to try to come in, rather than doing anything productive to forward my writing career, certainly not recording the audiobook like I was supposed to be…

  Finally I was sitting comfortably on the floor of my living room, meditating, trying to deal with the stress of all the banging and drilling and loud conversations right outside my front window, and I was in deep meditation, floating through space, realizing the Universe is an endless ocean made of the same tiny particles that I’m made of, realizing I’m made of the exact same matter as everything else in the Universe, watching the tide of the ocean flowing into me and out of me, back out into space, seeing all the stars as particles of sand, and my mind is a planet, my head is the Earth, my breathe is the wind, my legs are the roots of a tree, and they’re buried beneath the Earth, and I’m the same thing as everything, even inanimate objects, made of the same subatomic particles as everything else, my mind is a clean blank slate, I’m completely brand new, starting a fresh new life with each new breath of fresh air, I am one with everything  in the entire Universe…

  When I heard a quick loud knock on the door, and I slowly opened my eyes, like I’m Yoda coming out of a trance of the Force, then I heard my door unlock and the door was pushed open but it stopped suddenly and loudly because of the chain on the door…

  I still sat there relaxed because of the deep cleansing meditation session, but I shouted: “Hey stop!”

  I slowly pushed myself up from the floor and left the door open only a few inches, held by the chain… I saw two dudes in masks and uniforms, and the dude in front said: “We’re here to install fiber…”

  And I said: “No.”

  And he said: “Why not?”

“Because.  No one’s coming in here.” 

“We’re installing fiber…  We have to…”

“No.”

“Okay we’re calling the landlord!”

“Go for it.”

  And I closed the door and locked it. 

  Then I sat down and wrote a few threatening emails to my management company.  I wrote to any contact email I could find.  I wrote aggressive emails threatening legal action if ANYONE stepped foot in my apartment uninvited without my knowledge or permission. 

I explained that as an AMERICAN citizen this was against my rights, and I couldn’t believe some outside company was somehow allowed to tell me they were entering my home without my permission during any time in history let alone during a global pandemic, and with my autoimmune condition, my immune system was at risk, and under no circumstances was a group of guys coming into my home touching everything, breathing everywhere, and if it was discovered that anyone came into my residence without my knowledge or permission, and I caught the slightest sniffle or cough then the management company would be held liable to every extent of the law. 

  Since I’ve lived in so many terrible apartments with so many terrible landlords and management companies, I’ve learned to write pretty powerful threatening emails, always threatening aggressive legal action, even though I’ve never had or known any lawyer, I usually get good fast results…    

  But I still haven’t heard back, so I’ve just been pacing back and forth across my living room floor, guarding my pad like my old pitbull Louie, occasionally looking through the blinds and growling…

(continued in the next post...)

The audiobook of Shockingly True Uber Stories is available now on Audible.

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Audiobook Available Now

As promised, the audiobook version of Shockingly True Uber Stories is now available on Audible. You can get it right here. In a couple more days it will be available on iTunes and Amazon, and next week you will be able to get the audiobook everywhere they have audiobooks…

I’m so happy and grateful the book is doing so well already. It has continued to remain in the Top 100 Kindle ebooks in a few different categories, and has remained closer to #1 here in the US as well as many other countries, and it’s barely been out for a week and I haven’t even done anything to promote it yet. So many people in so many different countries have been reading it for free on Kindle Unlimited, so you’re welcome for that. It’s a good sign that more and more people are reading it everyday, and once they start reading it, they can’t stop, they always read a lot of pages, more and more pages are read every day…

But hey I’ll take it, it’s great people are already enjoying it. I’ve been really lowkey about it for now, because I want to get everything set up first… I want the audiobook to be out everywhere, and I want to finish filming a video I promised at the end of the book so you can see that every word I wrote in the book is true…

We filmed most of the footage this weekend, so you’ll be able to see the condition of my body and some of the many strange things I do daily to keep my body functioning properly or even at all… So hopefully we’ll finish editing the video and be able to post it soon so you can trip out about it all.

Once everything is done, then I’ll be everywhere and everyone will know the story. I just have to wait a tiny bit longer. It’s amazing how long I’ve been waiting already, I planned all this so long ago, the book has been written for a year now, the audiobook was recorded and mixed 6 months ago, I saw the videos in my mind, I saw it all in my mind so long ago, I saw the press and the podcasts so long ago…

I just had to be extremely patient while I overcame every obstacle, the global pandemic, shut down, quarantine, all the rules and regulations and all that, the death of my father, writing to my girl’s father and family on the other side of the planet, trying to straighten out a marriage with her, then straighten out all her immigration bullshit…

All while having to learn how to be a proper husband and support a wife, while the closest people to me are doubting me and dismissing me and disrespecting me… but patience pays off… the patient are always rewarded… all that…

I’ve been staying cool about it, but honestly it’s a trip to see it all come to fruition… it’s a trip to see the name W. Sage and to see the author page, and the title of the book and the description and the ratings and reviews, and now to see it available as an audiobook on Audible, and filming all the scenes I saw in my head for so long, and to even be typing on this blog… it’s a trip.

It’s just pure belief in yourself, pure belief in your ability… never doubting yourself, never allowing doubt to creep into your mind even while the closest people to you and maybe even the whole world is telling you you can’t do it… They try to dismiss you and disrespect you and say you’re useless and try to make you feel worthless, they try to destroy your dreams and take them from you…

But you just stay patient and persistent, and inevitably you’re laughing and laughing at them and all the rest of it.

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#1 Top Kindle eBook

The book has been out for almost a week now and what a first week it was…

Shockingly True Uber Stories was the #1 Kindle eBook in so many different countries and so many different categories, like: travel writing, travelogues & travel essays, travel memoirs, true crime stories, biographies & memoirs, etc. and etc….

And this is only the beginning. This was a super soft launch, barely anyone knows the book exists yet. Just wait til I release the audiobook. Then I’m coming for everything. Everyone is gonna know the story.

But I’m grateful to everyone that already grabbed the book and especially all the early 5-star reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. That’s super cool of all of you…

So tonight, this one is for all the people that already read the book early… I’m gonna give a special sneak peek to everyone that has read the book all the way to the end…

Anyone that read the end of the book knows why I’m posting a picture of my bamboo spine

This picture is just between us. Just a little peek for now. You can see the whole spine.

Notice the tight skin stretching over the curve at the top of the shoulders. And notice I’m stuck looking down. In case you thought I was making anything up.

Nah I’m the truth. Every word is the truth.

Nevermind the muscle, that’s just my response to a deadly disease. You think it’s easy to handle a wild Arabian Barbie Doll? Especially in my condition? You gotta adapt or die.

Speaking of that, today we finally finished and mailed all the paperwork to our lawyer for our case to keep my wife legal in this country. The book has actually been done for a long time, I just had to be patient and wait to release it, while we worked on all this paperwork for many months. And by the way it was way harder and way more work than writing the book. Yet we’re paying the lawyer a lot of money for some reason… hmmmm…

Welcome to America.

Meanwhile my wife is way more American than most… She talks like a Southern California surfer, and is rollin’ around with pinkish purplish hair, double checking there’s no dairy in her latte, cuz she’s veeegaaan… while I look like a proper Arab Muslim, with a shaved head and magnificent long dark beard, vacuuming my stomach, practicing Nauli Kriya and Kung Fu on a stack of tires in a warehouse on a five-acre farm somewhere in the middle of nowhere…

(I’ll show you videos soon)

Soon I’ll be posting here every Monday and Thursday, and you’ll be able to signup for email updates of everything from videos to more shocking Uber stories…

I’ll continue the story about how I struggled to get the audiobook done in the next post, but tonight this one is for everyone that already grabbed the book, and especially for all those that read it til the end.

The story is mine no longer. I release it to the Universe. It belongs to you now.

Shockingly True Uber Stories

What’s your craziest story?

Everyone asked me that.  I drove for Uber and Lyft for years, only at night.  I drove all over the crazy streets of Los Angeles, and through the snow and the ice in some small cities in the Midwest… and almost everyone that got in my car wanted to know:

“What’s the CRAZIEST THING that ever happened?  What’s your CRAZIEST Uber story?”

  But there were too many to choose just one.  Every ride was crazy.  Picking up drunk or high or deranged strangers on the street at night…  It’s always crazy.  I would always say: You have to pick a category: sex, drugs, or violence. 

  I could tell stories of pure insanity, obnoxious rude behavior, cold calculating gold diggers, disgusting drunks, disgusting yet sober people, aggressive sexual advances, sexual assaults, nonsexual assaults… I could explain how I made a small fortune driving, or I could tell stories involving every drug, ALCOHOL, ALCOHOL (man people love alcohol!), stories of GUNFIRE and MURDER… more than one gun POINTED AT MY HEAD, and me still staring straight ahead with a blank face…  Only God to protect me and a can of pepper spray for a bit until it exploded in my car… yet I walked away from it all unscathed, without a scar or a scratch, not one stain on my shirt…

  So many people told me: “You should write a book of all your craziest stories, or you should keep a camera in your car, and stream it for everybody…”

  And I’d say: Yeah yeah I should, that’s a good idea…  But I never seriously considered it.  I just kept driving and driving for years, until finally a global pandemic forced me to stop, forced the world to shut down completely… and I just sat there parked on the side of the road in the deep snow, waiting for a ride request that never came… 

  But now, finally, since we’re all quarantined inside and forced to stay away from each other… after giving over 12,000 rides, after having possibly over 30,000 people in and out of my car, I can finally take a moment to answer all of your questions and give you what you asked for…

  And I’m purposely being vague about the amount of years and exactly where and when I drove because I don’t want anyone to know who I am: ESPECIALLY Uber and Lyft.  After I reveal everything, and you hear this whole shockingly true story, you’ll understand why.

  I’ve never told ANYONE my craziest story.  It was too unbelievable.  And too traumatic for me.  But since we’re stuck inside for now, I will tell it all to you. 

  I’ll save my craziest story for the end, then I’ll wrap it all up with a most shocking grand finale that you are absolutely NOT GONNA BELIEVE, a shocking finale that’s gonna make everything I’m about to tell you even more shocking…